Laying here on my bed with a million thoughts running through this head of mine...One of them being..."I should blog." As most of you know, Im a pretty open book. I love expressing myself, whether it be a one on one conversation...or through a little blog. Due to the craziness of my schedule these days, I can never find any time to blog...and if I do, I dont feel like blogging...but tonight is different...its pretty necessary that I express myself. Even if noone reads, I need to vent :) If you have read any of my previous blogs, you see that I talk a lot about Jesus and spiritual things...well dont be surprised when this one pretty much mentions the very same thing as all the other ones. What can I say...? I love Jesus...and Im a spiritual individual. I live and breathe Jesus Christ..therefore I must talk about Him..things he has done..things he is doing. Over the past 5 months, wow, has my life changed. I have taken huge steps of faith..literally having to trust the hand of God to guide and sustain me. It has been absolutely amazing..yet challenging..draining...stretching...exciting..all at the same time. How about i just call it an emotional rollercoaster ride...in a good way (if thats possible). Recently, the enemy has really targeted my emotions...I always hate the process of fighting, separating my emotions from the truth (word of God). Ill be the first to admit that it is stinkin hard...BUT necessary. Do i always allow truth to win? Heck no! Alot of the time I allow my emotions to win...but then I get up and dust myself off again...and again. As I was laying here tonight...me, God, and the enemy were battling it out. I was talking to God..."Really God...why the heck do I feel this way...Im so sick of being up and down...all around...I feel like a failure for so many different reasons...blah blah blah..." Then to the enemy.." You are a liar...I am strong...I am not weak..I am fighter..and I will overcome by the power of Christ who lives within ME!" The conversation continued..until finally, I decided to settle for a quickfix...which for me is..just forcing myself to go to sleep..only to wake up to a new day. Yes, that works sometimes because Im just a retarded girl who is emotional because, well, us women are emotional...but tonight it was more than me being a silly girl. I needed to declare victory...and the way this was/is gonna happen is pretty simple... declaring the goodness of Jesus and all that He has done for me. So.. all that to say..my mindset completely changed from negative nancy to positive polly ;) I began to think of who I was...who I had surrounded my life with...where I was headed..and where I should be...then I began to think of who I am now...who I have surrounded my life with..where Im headed...and because of the GREATNESS and FAITHFULNESS of my precious Savior, I now LIVE again!!! So bare with me as I take a moment to thank my Heavenly Father for all the things he has given me and all the people he has strategically placed in my life for such a time as this..."WOW...Lord... This isnt a prayer to ask you for anything...but this message is from the bottom of my heart to simply thank you for your goodness. When I truly sit back and dwell on all youve done...my heart begins to race..and I slowly but surely begin to feel that liberty that I once felt when you called me back home into your loving arms of security. Its so easy to get caught up in life and allow the focus to be on the things that will soon all pass away...so forgive me...I dont want this to be about me...but I want my eyes to focus with your eyes...and my heart to beat to the rhythm of your heart. Thank you for your amazing grace...oh how sweet the sound. :) Thank you for all creation...the stars that shine so bright...the ocean waves that clap to give you praise...for the blue sunny sky that always puts a pep in my step :)...Thank you for my family...I couldnt have asked for anyone more perfect...we're far from perfect...but the positives made me great...and the negatives made me greater. My family is my earthly rock... you knew exactly what I needed to make it through...so thank you, thank you, thank you for them. Thank you for amazing friends...that have walked with me through the darkest moments of my life...who have surrounded me and stood in the gap for me when I was too weak to fight on my own... Thank you for Trinity Church...who has slowly but surely become my other family...thank you for such incredible pastoral leadership that pushes me to not settle for anything less than MORE MORE MORE of YOU. Thank you for my best friend...the love of my life...who makes me better..who helps me to see you in completely new ways than I ever have..He loves me for me and simply makes me the happiest lady in the world. When i look at him, i see your grace...your faithfulness. Oh Father,your promises are true...You do...make all things new. Thank you for loving me Jesus....for your blood that was shed to wash away every stain...all filth...thank you for the nails that pierced your body, all to cancel MY sin and shame...thank you for the stripes that you took to heal my broken heart...the stripes that paved the way for the cancer free zone at Trinity Church...the stripes that heal and restore!! Thank you for your death...because now I live forever...and ever...and I will tell of your goodnesss...i will tell the world that YOU live...not just with my mouth..but with my life. I live to worship you... Thank you for listening...I know you hear me...I know you see me...I know that you already knew about this blog...and may this blog open the eyes of every person who reads it...to be reminded that although life is a rollercoaster ride...we CAN rest assure in the fact that YOU, Oh God, are the same yesterday, today, and forever...and this I know...and I thank you...I love you... "
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