My my my... life=CHANGE...that's what I am beginning to realize more and more as time ticks away. I almost feel like an emotional roller coaster. If that's a good or bad, normal or abnormal thing, don't ask me, cause I have no clue. I just know that, yes, I love life, yet some times it just simply hurts. One gift that God put inside of me from way back when, was and is my love for people. Not just any ordinary "hey, i love you"...but the real, love is patient, love is kind, love never fails kind of love. Recently, God called me to make some changes...some were a piece of cake,some were as if I had to pull my own teeth out. One being that God asked me to commit a whole year to Him...no dating,giving every part of me, devoting myself to Him alone. The year officially ended on June 2,2009. Wow, what a season I experienced. Obviously, at first, I was a little hesitant when I felt that He was wanting a whole year. I was like "forreal Lord...I mean are you forreal forreal?" I finally made my decision to participate in this fun, little ride that God had prepared for me. I can't even begin to tell you how much I was changed from the inside, out. I literally was transformed and restored! God took my pain,insecurity, doubt, fear, all the above, and replaced it with His amazing love...He made all things new, just like He promised He would do. So, I thought "the main goal,the biggest accomplishment" was completing the year! Yes, I did it, yay for Tay Tay, but little did I know it was only preparation for more challenges, transitions, changes, prizes, goal setting, da de da de doo!! Ya see, God had to do some cleaning up before I could go any further...I willingly allowed Him to...now on to the next chapter, step, season, whatever you want to call it. Recently, God called me to leave an amazing church,full of amazing individuals, North Place. Wow, what an incredible piece of the puzzle NPC was. It was a little scary to leave but I knew what the Lord was asking of me. So I left, and now I am at Trinity Church. Sigh* How my life is changing even more now! It's so funny how right when you think you are settled and everything is golden, God plays the remix game and takes you somewhere different...new places, new faces...yep, He definitely likes to do that. But, thats the beauty of trusting Him...and allowing faith to lead you. Trinity blows me away... it couldnt be more perfect for me and what I need at this time of my life. Every time I walk into the building, I am taken back by the presence of God. A lot of churches claim to be spirit led, yet they keep God in a box, because if the music is too loud, or if the service gets out of order, time wise, some one might get upset and leave...Therefore we hinder the lost, the broken, the empty, instead of allowing the Holy Spirit to do what He wants to do. Honestly, the main reason I am drawn to Trinity is because the church as a whole is determined to meet with God. If His presence isn't there, then its just another hangout. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom...I dont know about you, but I am determined to see this world set free! Therefore, whatever I need to do, wherever I need to go, in order to be in His presence, Im willing. So, all that to say, thank you Jesus for allowing me to be a part of such an amazing movement...and thank you Trinity for being so welcome to a southern arkansas country girl :) Now to the change that hurts... I am about to make a move...Im moving with my Sissybutt! That is definitely exciting, except for the fact that Im leaving some dear friends behind. I am having to leave Olive Garden. Oh how my heart hurts. Its funny because I had promised myself that I would never wait tables again...but after 3 months of no jobby job, I sucked it up and took on a serving position at the OG...what I also like to call my mission field. I absolutely adore every single individual there. They will never have a clue how much I love them. To them, Im just a crazy white girl that is goofy as heck and laughs all the time ;) I pray for each server, each manager, the hosts, the cooks...my heart breaks for them. I want them to know Christ...not just be aware that there is a God...but to truly experience His love. If they could have just one touch...just ONE touch...Oh God, there lives will be forever changed. What do I do...what can I say that will rescue them from the traps that the enemy has set out to destroy their lives...?? Does "God" make sense to them?? Most likely not, but I know that one day, every knee will bow, every tounge will confess... and there is nothing more that I desire than to see them enter into the gates of Heaven and live for eternity with the Beautiful Savior of the world. Do I have all the answers? Of course not, I just know that I have experienced Christ for myself...I know Him...not because of what others have told me...not because its what im supposed to do...but i have had an encounter with The One that has changed my life...turned my sorrow into joy...my struggles into victory...my sin into something beautiful. How could He love me this much? Ill never know why...but He does...and He loves you...and the homosexual...the sinner..the saint...the old town drunk...the bank teller...the abuser...the young girl pregnant out of wedlock...Oh how He loves us all. So yes, if I can be honest and open for a moment, my heart is broken...because Im scared of change. Im always guilty of trying to be the Savior..I want to rescue anyone and everyone...but reality is I cant. Im called to love, plant the seed...and Christ will do the rest. Im leaving Olive Garden soon...and my biggest fear is walking away...because I dont have the comfort of knowing that I will see these precious people again. What if the Lord comes back...what if these are my last moments with them..?? I know it sounds extreme, but its reality. I am 100% sure that Gods grace can cover any and every sin, but I also know that we have a free will...and thats where fear comes in. I dont know if they'll ever understand...but once again, I know that God is after them...each one of them. He has a purpose and a plan. My time is shortly coming to an end at this particular mission field...but the seeds have been planted and I am believing for the next world changer to come in behind me and water the seed :) Life is full of change...but one thing I know for sure is God is faithful. He is constantly at work...even when it looks scary or impossible. So Jesus, I thank you for choosing me. I thank you for loving me. I dont deserve it...Im just another dirty, lost individual who stumbled upon grace and have been forever transformed. Lead me. Guide my footsteps. Give me strength to do your will. Save the lost. Rescue and open the eyes of this generation to see you for who you really are. In the midst of chaos, let me be a light. I give you my life. Today is a new day, therefore I need you more than ever. I love you precious, loving Savior. Its always good to vent...thank you for reading friends. Be blessed today!
"May He grant you out of the rich treasury of His glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner man by the Holy Spirit. May Christ through your faith dwell in your hearts. May you be rooted deep in love and founded securely on love, that you may have the power and be strong to apprehend and grasp with all the saints to know the love of Christ, which far surpasses mere knowledge; that you may be filled unto all the fullness of God. Now to Him Who, by the power that is at work within us, is able to do superabundantly, far over and above all that we ask or think, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever! -Ephesians 3:16-21
